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from aminion.org

Bethany's story: An adopted child's testimony

Hi, my name is Bethany and I would like to tell you about something in my life that has had a great impact. In the year 1987 I was born to a young teenage mother. Not long after birth she decided to give me up for adoption. Today, I would like to share my feelings and thoughts about adoption itself, and being adopted. All of you teen mothers who are reading this, I would like to tell you that if you are struggling to decide what to do with your child, adoption is a really good choice. Although this may not be easy for you, adoption allows your child to have a life and live it to the fullest. You have created this life, and adoption is letting that child live a life they deserve to live! I'm thankful that my mom chose to give me a life and then give me the gift of a wonderful family. Even though I'm fifteen now, I still think about it all the time. I think about why my biological mom decided to make this decision. I believe that my mother was smart, strong, brave, and courageous. I have always wanted to know if my biological father was involved at all. I wonder if he was at the hospital when I was there, supporting my mother while she was having me. I often wonder also, if he had a say in what they were planning to do with me. Maybe someday I will know the answers to these questions. But even if I never do, I am thankful for the parents who chose to give me life, and the parents who have raised me. I believe that adoption is a choice that can powerfully show your baby how much you value her, by loving her enough to give her what maybe, right now, you cannot: the best that she deserves!

Myth's on adoptin

Myth #1. Adoption is cruel because I cannot be sure of what will happen to my child after I have placed him or her for adoption.You have the power to make the two most important decisions pertaining to your child's life- first to give them life; and second to choose the family in which your child will grow and be cared for. If a woman (or couple) is not ready at present to become a mother because of financial, emotional, or any variety of other circumstantial situations, adoption is the choice by which you decide to give life to your baby and by carefully choosing their adoptive family, you give them everything within your power to set them on a course for a healthy and happy future. back to top

Myth #2. I will have no control over my child's future.You have complete control over the choice of the family with which you place your child. Reputable adoption agencies require extensive screening and interviewing to go on for all potential adoptive parents. Information about a couples marriage, employment, immediate and extended family, as well as recommendations from pastors, employers, and friends are all a part of the screening process at most adoption agencies. Many agencies will have books with adoptive parents' information listed along with a picture of the adoptive couple. If you like, you can meet with the family yourself and ask them questions which will further help you make your choice.If you prefer, you can choose a couple to whom you are referred by a friend or an acquaintance. To ensure that all parties are best cared for, we recommend (whenever possible) involving a reputable adoption agency that will act as a neutral party between the biological and adoptive parents. back to top

Myth #3. Adoption is abandoning my child.Adoption on every side is a loving act done for the well being of a child. The biological mother loves her child enough to give him or her the gift of life despite the pressures which surround an unintended or unwanted pregnancy. You will choose your child's adoptive parents and family. This decision is done carefully, wanting the best parents who will love, nurture, and provide for your baby for their entire life.Adoptive parents are couples who choose to welcome a child into their lives, taking on all of the responsibilities and care it will take to raise that child to adulthood. Adoptive parents choose to love a child, who is biologically not their own, as though the child was their own flesh and blood. back to top

Myth #4. When I put my baby up for adoption, I'll never know what happened to him or her.Just as you have control over the choice of families in which you will place your baby, so you have control over how much contact you want from your child after the adoption. Open adoptions are much more the standard for today's adoption process. You can choose everything from how your child will be given to his or her adoptive parent-at the hospital, at the adoption agency, as soon as the delivery is complete-to how much contact you would like to have with your child. You can choose to have yearly letters and pictures from the adoptive family. Or, you can have planned visits with your child in order to stay in closer contact with them. Some mothers will choose to have a less open arrangement. In this situation, your contact between you and your child is ended once the adoption is completed. Any communication between you and your child is done only through the intermediary of the adoption agency and only if you and the adoptive family permit it to occur.It is important to note that every adoption is unique. Every effort to best meet the needs of both the biological mother and the adoptive family must be made. Adoptive families need to respect your desire to know that your child is being well cared for, as well as your need to get on with your life. back to top

Myth #5. My child will never know anything about me as his or her mother.How much your child knows about you is up to you. As the biological mother you can choose to have certain information disclosed to your child at the appropriate time. If you desire, you can request that a letter from you, in which you explain whatever you want to your child, is given to them to read at a designated time. In the case of an open adoption, where you visit or correspond with your child, it will be up to you to determine what your child knows about you. back to top

Myth #6. Fathers have no rights in adoption.This is untrue. The father of a child has all of the same legal rights as the biological mother. If he does not agree with the decision to put your child up for adoption then an agency can work on both your behalves, through the court system, to help both of you come to an agreement. If there is the suspicion that the father of the baby might be a negligent parent or even abusive, then the father's rights to the child can be terminated and the mother can proceed with the adoption plan. back to top

Myth #7. If I give my child up for adoption, will he or she be allowed to find me if they want to?At the time of making your adoption plan, you can choose to have an "open file." This way your child will have access to your identity, and the adoption agency will assist him or her if your child desires to search for you. If you choose a "closed file," precautions will be taken to keep your identity anonymous. back to top

Myth #8 Putting my child up for adoption costs a lot of money.In many adoption cases, there are no costs to the biological mother when she chooses to make an adoption plan. The adoption agency will handle all of the legal matters and fees, and the adoptive parents pay for all the adoption expenses, including in many cases, the hospital costs for delivering the baby. back to top

Myth #9 What do I do if after I have my baby I think I want to change my mind?Many adoption agencies (example Bethany Christian Services) will provide interim care for your child immediately after he or she is born. If you are still uncertain of your decision, placing your child in interim care could give you the opportunity to think about your adoption plan one last time before making a final decision.